Here are a few things that you probably never knew, but the commercials helped us to realize.
- When mentioning a product, it is required to say the entire name, and manufacturer.
- When you wash your hair, don’t worry about a hairdryer, just shake your head back and forth with a sexy little motion, and it’ll be dry.
- If you have heartburn, don’t worry!! The person next to you is a doctor.
- If you have heartburn, and your seat partner isn’t a doctor, then your cab driver/bartender/waitress has a bottle of antacid within reach.
- When having large groups of people over for dinner, it is necessary to serve spaghetti and bread rolls. And someone has to spill wine.
- All restaurant owners are Italian
- Your new carpet spray/toilet scrub/shower cleaner will always get out that spilled juice/scum/grease, and leave your carpet/shower/toilet whiter than before
- The person across from you knows what your doctor prescribed, and they have it sitting beside them.
- Every household has one really shaggy dog that sheds all the time.
- Looking for a product that works? A really peppy, and friendly mom will point out that it’s right to your right and above your head!
- The number one choice of medicine in households and clinics around the world are six different brands.
- Hair doesn’t frizz
- Lip color lasts forever
- Amusement parks have special invisible rides that can be seen on T.V., but not in person.
- Your mattress is the worst mattress in the world, but your new mattress is the greatest.
- If you can’t sleep, you’ll shift around madly and frown.
- Everyone sleeps with one hand behind their pillow, one hand on top, and the sheets at their armpits. Unless you are sick.
I bet you never knew any of that! Aren’t you glad that I found out for you
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner -
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don’t stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa?(USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first
