lol

April 26, 2008

lol

Filed under: Annoying, Jokes, Senior jokes — lol27 @ 11:04 pm

Buy a really tall hat (preferably a turban, etc.). Sit in the front row. If someone asks you to take it off, tell them it’s against your religion: 3 pts.

Throw popcorn up in the air and yell “It’s SNOWING!!”: 3 pts.

When someone kisses (on screen or in the theater), point and say “OOOOOHHHHH”: 2 pts.

Clap when something bad happens to the main character, boo when something good happens.: 3 pts. 5 pts if you do it throughout the entire movie.

During a really sad scene, start cracking up. During a happy/funny scene start yelling or crying.: 3 pts. 5 pts if you do it throughout the entire movie.

Start coughing very loudly/’choking. Point to/ask for the person-next-to-you’s drink. If they offer it to you, drink the rest, including ice cubes. If they refuse to give it to you, stand up and yell “Fine! Let me die!”: 4 pts. 5 pts for a really believable coughing/choking scence.

Bring your TV’s remote control and attempt to pause, fast-forward, and rewind the movie. During the climax or a really sad/serious scene, crack and start screaming that the damn thing is broken.: 5 pts.

During a scary movie yell at the screen things such as, “No, don’t trust him!”, “Watch out!”, and “No, DON’T GO IN THE CLOSET!!!!!!”: 3 pts. 5 pts for yelling for good things/really small things.

Tap the person next to you and say “It’s sure is dark in here.” *Wink Wink*… *Wink* (Wink at them).: 3 pts. 5 pts if they are the same sex. 10 pts if they actually go along with it (no backing out).

Preferably during the beginning of the opening stuff start screaming “No, not the voices! Anything but the voices”. Also works when you’re in a crowd, “An (Earthquake, flood, fire) We’re all going to DIE!!!!!” 3 pts. 7 pts if people believe you or try to see if you’re okay.

When the last people are entering the theater, stand up and start waving and yelling for them to join you. (They can be strangers or you can get a whole bunch of friends to come in late). 5 pts. 7 pts if you sit in a crowded row. 10 pts if you start screaming at people that they are sitting in your friends seats. 10 pts if you yell to imaginary people. (Only one of the tens counts)

Wear a cape and when they lights dim and a logo comes on the sreen, stand up and yell, “The Bat Signal.” 3 pts. 5 pts if you attempt to save someone. 7 pts If you don’t know them. 10 pts if they are fat/old.

At a random point during the movie yell, “No I will NOT make out with you!” 3 pts. 5 pts if no one is sitting near you.

Talk and laugh hysterically with your friends. When at least 10 people have shushed you, stand up and yell “Would you people SHUT UP! I’m trying to watch the movie!!” 5 pts.

Try to get as many points as you can…

Perfect Score: 80.

 

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.” The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?” The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.” “Do you mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, “So I hear you’re getting married?” “Yep!” “Do I know her?” “Nope!” “This woman, is she good looking?” “Not really.” “Is she a good cook?” “Naw, she can’t cook too well.” “Does she have lots of money?” “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.  ” “Why in the world do you want to marry her then?” “Because she can still drive!”

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A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’ ” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

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