lol

May 17, 2008

BIG jake (Aaaahh)

Filed under: Bar jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 2:06 pm

There was a new bartender in town. One night, a man ran into the bar and screamed, “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, BIG JAKE IS COMIN’!”

Everybody ran out the door shrieking in fear, except the terrified bartender.

An enormous man with more tattoos than skin then stalked into the bar. He said, “I’ll take a vodka. Now.”

The petrified bartender hands him the bottle. He drains it, and then eats the shot glass, followed by the bottle. The bartender, quivering in fear, said, “Would you…would you like another?”

The hulking brute said, “No thanks. I’ve got to get out of here. Didn’t you hear? Big Jake is comin’!”

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May 2, 2008

Rofl

Filed under: Bar jokes, Blonde Jokes, Court jokes/lawyer jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 10:01 pm

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter’s there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question. To the teacher, he says, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?” The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies:” That would have been the Titanic, right?” St. Peter lets him through the gate. St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven doesn’t REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” The garbage man guesses: “1228” “That happens to be right; go ahead.” St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: “Name them.”

 

2 men and a Blonde are stranded on an island…

They come up to a tribe of locals and they are captured…

The crazy local tribe said that if they could stick 10 fruits in their butts without any facial emotions they will let them go…

If they cant the tribe will kill them…

The first guy goes and grabs 10 oranges and when he got the 5th one is his butt he starts screaming from pain and they kill him and he goes to heaven…

The next guy goes and grabs 10 grapes and when he gets to the 9th one he starts laughing histaricly so the tribe kills him and he goes to heaven…

In heaven-

The first guy asks the second guy why he started laughing…

The second guy said that he looked over at the Blonde and she was holding 10 pinapples…

 

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for me self.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no. Everyone’s fine,” He explains, “It’s just that I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking.”

 

 

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