lol

July 17, 2008

Another Blonde joke

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — Tags: , , , , , — lol27 @ 2:26 pm

1.yawn whens nap time again i’m getting tired of this patient.

2. what is this thing deep in there? No dont touch!! that. wait what is that thing anyway?

3. how come its all red?how about we make it green!

4. if this guy had an apple a day he wouldn’t be here.sigh

5. how long should we go to college? we didn’t go yet right

6. Hey look! If you push on this thing cherry juice stuff comes out the other side! that reminds me lets go have lunch ok.

7. why is this so pointy? lets see what it does.

8. oops this thing that looks like a balloon just broke is that ok?<img src=”?” alt=”” />?<img src=”?” alt=”” />?!?

9. its gonna blow!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. this was moving a second ago right?

UPDATE: I’m looking for a new Editor! I would really like them to be in charge of these pages:

Games!!!, vids and ~SUBMIT A JOKE~ but i’m also looking for  an auther to help me post jokes!!!!

Please comment if you want to take one of these jobs im looking for both of those jobs. Keep in mind that

an auther can only post jokes and an editor can post and edit but the editor im hiring can ONLY edit The

three pages i mentioned up there and every once in a while post a joke!

Remeber first who puts in there email gets the job they want!!!

 

a blonde,brunette,and a red head decided to go on a game show.The object of the game was to walk up 100 stairs without laughing at the joke the host tells you.So the host tells then they’re joke then they begin walking.The brunette made it to the 10th step,the red haired girl made it to the 28th step.The blonde made it all the way up to the 100th step then started laughing.Reporters began sorrounding the blonde and asked how did you do that. She answered I just got the joke

~lol27~

please visit my new page!

its ~SUBMIT A JOKE~(NEW PAGE)

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July 13, 2008

Blonde, Lawyer, & Salesman Jokes

a blonde,brunette,and a red head decided to go on a game show.The object of the game was to walk up 100 stairs without laughing at the joke the host tells you.So the host tells then they’re joke then they begin walking.The brunette made it to the 10th step,the red haired girl made it to the 28th step.The blonde made it all the way up to the 100th step then started laughing.Reporters began sorrounding the blonde and asked how did you do that. She answered I just got the joke


A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked –
“Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?”

Aghast, the man said, “are you NUTS?, that’s robbery!”

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again –
“Sir, since you are a bit irate, I’ll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly – “you must be crazy pal, now go away!”

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy –
“Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much”.

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
“HEY,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes like crap!!!”

“It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy some mouthwash?”

 

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.” \

~lol27~

May 15, 2008

wat does it mean???

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 10:19 pm

A blonde walks up to a red head and says “what does idk mean” red head says “i dont know ” blonde says ” OMG nobody knows”

srry i cant get a long one ill post ltr

May 7, 2008

Counting sheep

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 11:52 am
 A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer “If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?”
“ok” said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said “alright take one”
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said “If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?”

May 2, 2008

Rofl

Filed under: Bar jokes, Blonde Jokes, Court jokes/lawyer jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 10:01 pm

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter’s there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question. To the teacher, he says, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?” The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies:” That would have been the Titanic, right?” St. Peter lets him through the gate. St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven doesn’t REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” The garbage man guesses: “1228” “That happens to be right; go ahead.” St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: “Name them.”

 

2 men and a Blonde are stranded on an island…

They come up to a tribe of locals and they are captured…

The crazy local tribe said that if they could stick 10 fruits in their butts without any facial emotions they will let them go…

If they cant the tribe will kill them…

The first guy goes and grabs 10 oranges and when he got the 5th one is his butt he starts screaming from pain and they kill him and he goes to heaven…

The next guy goes and grabs 10 grapes and when he gets to the 9th one he starts laughing histaricly so the tribe kills him and he goes to heaven…

In heaven-

The first guy asks the second guy why he started laughing…

The second guy said that he looked over at the Blonde and she was holding 10 pinapples…

 

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for me self.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no. Everyone’s fine,” He explains, “It’s just that I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking.”

 

 

April 5, 2008

lol

Filed under: Blonde Jokes — lol27 @ 10:37 am

There was a blonde, bernet,and red head trapped on a island. A magic genie came and gave them each 1 wish. The bernet went first, and she said “i wish i could go to home to see my family.” Then the red head said “i wish i could go home and see my friends and family.” Both their wishes happend. Then the blonde said “Now im all all alone…I wish those two were back here and we could play together!”

March 29, 2008

FIRE!!!

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 10:07 am
Three women are about to be executed. One”s a brunette, one”s a redhead, and one”s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim…”Suddenly the brunette yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!!”

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim…”

Suddenly the redhead yells, “TORNADO!!!”

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aim…”

And the blonde yells, “FIRE!!!”

March 27, 2008

LOL

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 5:24 pm

 I may have already posted some of these but who cares!!!

Q: What does Star Trek’s Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier……….

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don’t have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they’ve no idea of the route.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.

Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter’s trap, chewed off it’s 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.

Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.

It’s with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.

To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with ‘Please turn over’ scribbled on both sides.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.

It’s with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains….yes, her husband just died.

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.

 

She was so blonde that…

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She managed to trip over my cordless phone.

On the bottom of the job application where it said ‘Sign Here’ she wrote ‘Aquarias’.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She told me to meet her on the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”.

She tried to place a bag of M&M’s in alphabetical order.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.

When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.

She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said – “concentrate”

She got stabbed in a Shoot out.

She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.

She was so blonde she fell for these Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags – great pranks for playing on your blond friends 🙂

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.

When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: “LOOK, they’ve spelled MACY’s wrong!!!”

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said “Concentrate”.

She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.

She tried to drown a fish.

If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you’d get change.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.

It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

She asked for a Price-check at the ‘Everythings a Pound’ store.

They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

 

When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: “Grape or Cherry?”

She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.

She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

She tried to drown a fish.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on ‘Daddddyyy’

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: “Oh, only Six I think – I’d never manage to eat all 12 pieces.”

Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.

: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why are blondes hurt by people’s words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.

Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it’s place saying: “Thanks for the TV”

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I’ll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat”.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.

A couple of Blonde jokes

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 4:17 pm

There’s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician “I want to go to the moon”. The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says “I want to go to Mars”. He says she can go next week. The blonde says “I want to go to the sun”. The flight technician says, “Don’t you know you’ll burn up?” The blonde says “Well then I’ll go at night.”

WOW  SMART BLONDE!!!

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. ” Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.” She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it….

Cop : “Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?”

Blonde : “Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65.”

Cop : “Oh miss, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!”

Blonde : “Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on.”

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : “Excuse me miss, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something awful.”

Blonde : “Oh… We just got off of highway 119”.

 

Blonde Inventions
1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

 

A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to lottery headquarters to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The blonde says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, sorry lady. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.” The blonde said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.” Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”

 

March 26, 2008

lol

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 5:16 pm

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, “It’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord — nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”

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