lol

July 13, 2008

Blonde, Lawyer, & Salesman Jokes

a blonde,brunette,and a red head decided to go on a game show.The object of the game was to walk up 100 stairs without laughing at the joke the host tells you.So the host tells then they’re joke then they begin walking.The brunette made it to the 10th step,the red haired girl made it to the 28th step.The blonde made it all the way up to the 100th step then started laughing.Reporters began sorrounding the blonde and asked how did you do that. She answered I just got the joke


A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked –
“Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?”

Aghast, the man said, “are you NUTS?, that’s robbery!”

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again –
“Sir, since you are a bit irate, I’ll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly – “you must be crazy pal, now go away!”

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy –
“Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much”.

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
“HEY,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes like crap!!!”

“It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy some mouthwash?”

 

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?”

The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.” \

~lol27~

May 10, 2008

4 parachutes 5 people

Filed under: Court jokes/lawyer jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 7:36 pm

there are 5 people in an airplane 1.The pilot 2.A lawyer 3.A doctor 4.A Preacher 5.And A kid

After they took-off one of the engines blew out and there were only 4 parachutes.

The Pilot says “there are five of us and only four parachutes, i dont know about you guys but im gettin out of here” so he takes a parachute and jumps.

The doctor says “I’ve saved hundreds of lives so i think i should go” so he takes a parachute and jumps.

The lawyer says “I’ve won hundreds of cases and am probably the smartest man alive so i think i should go” so he takes a parachute and jumps.

The preacher kneels down and says to the kid “I’ve live a long and happy life you should take the last parachute”

So the kid says “no you can take this one the lawyer jumped out with my backpack”

May 2, 2008

Rofl

Filed under: Bar jokes, Blonde Jokes, Court jokes/lawyer jokes, Jokes — lol27 @ 10:01 pm

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter’s there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question. To the teacher, he says, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?” The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies:” That would have been the Titanic, right?” St. Peter lets him through the gate. St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven doesn’t REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” The garbage man guesses: “1228” “That happens to be right; go ahead.” St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: “Name them.”

 

2 men and a Blonde are stranded on an island…

They come up to a tribe of locals and they are captured…

The crazy local tribe said that if they could stick 10 fruits in their butts without any facial emotions they will let them go…

If they cant the tribe will kill them…

The first guy goes and grabs 10 oranges and when he got the 5th one is his butt he starts screaming from pain and they kill him and he goes to heaven…

The next guy goes and grabs 10 grapes and when he gets to the 9th one he starts laughing histaricly so the tribe kills him and he goes to heaven…

In heaven-

The first guy asks the second guy why he started laughing…

The second guy said that he looked over at the Blonde and she was holding 10 pinapples…

 

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for me self.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no. Everyone’s fine,” He explains, “It’s just that I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking.”

 

 

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