lol

May 29, 2008

Apitude Test

Filed under: Intresting stuff, Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 4:35 pm

This is off topic but watever

VIEW COMMENTS FOR THE ANSWERS!

1. If you went to bed at 8 P.M. and set an old fashioned alarm for 9 A.M., how much sleep would you get?

2. Do they have a Fourth of July in England?

3. How many birthdays does the average man have?

4. Why can’t a man living in Winston-Salem, North Carolina be buried WEST of the Mississippi River?

5. If you had one haystack on the one side of a field and two on the other side and you added them together, how many haystacks would you have?

6. If you had only one match and entered a room that had an oil heater, a stove, and a gas lamp, which would you light first?

7. If a doctor gave you three pills and told you to take one every hour, how long would they last?

8. a man builds a square house, each side having a southern exposure, he looks out the window and sees a bear, what color is the bear?

9. How far can a black and white dog run into the woods?

10. Which is correct: 7 and 8 are 16, or 7 and 8 is 16?

11. How many outs in an inning of baseball?

12. There are two U.S. coins that total 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the two coins?

13. A farmer has 16 sheep, all but nine die, how many are left?

14. Divide ½ into 30 and add 10. How much do you have?

15. Two men are playing checkers. Each man wins five games. Each man plays five games. How can this be?

16. Take two apples from three apples. What do you have?

17. Is it legal for a man in Quincy Illinois to marry his widow’s sister?

18. How many species of each animal did Moses take with him aboard the Ark?

19. A woman gave a beggar 50 cents. The woman was the beggar’s sister, but the beggar was not the woman’s brother. How can this be?

20. The archaeologist who said they found a coin marked 46 B.C. was either kidding or lying, Why?

I got 12/20 right Good luck

May 15, 2008

wat does it mean???

Filed under: Blonde Jokes, Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 10:19 pm

A blonde walks up to a red head and says “what does idk mean” red head says “i dont know ” blonde says ” OMG nobody knows”

srry i cant get a long one ill post ltr

April 23, 2008

lol

Filed under: Holiday vacation, Intresting stuff, Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 2:43 pm

Here are a few things that you probably never knew, but the commercials helped us to realize.

– When mentioning a product, it is required to say the entire name, and manufacturer.

– When you wash your hair, don’t worry about a hairdryer, just shake your head back and forth with a sexy little motion, and it’ll be dry.

– If you have heartburn, don’t worry!! The person next to you is a doctor.

– If you have heartburn, and your seat partner isn’t a doctor, then your cab driver/bartender/waitress has a bottle of antacid within reach.

– When having large groups of people over for dinner, it is necessary to serve spaghetti and bread rolls. And someone has to spill wine.

– All restaurant owners are Italian

– Your new carpet spray/toilet scrub/shower cleaner will always get out that spilled juice/scum/grease, and leave your carpet/shower/toilet whiter than before

– The person across from you knows what your doctor prescribed, and they have it sitting beside them.

– Every household has one really shaggy dog that sheds all the time.

– Looking for a product that works? A really peppy, and friendly mom will point out that it’s right to your right and above your head!

– The number one choice of medicine in households and clinics around the world are six different brands.

– Hair doesn’t frizz

– Lip color lasts forever

– Amusement parks have special invisible rides that can be seen on T.V., but not in person.

– Your mattress is the worst mattress in the world, but your new mattress is the greatest.

– If you can’t sleep, you’ll shift around madly and frown.

– Everyone sleeps with one hand behind their pillow, one hand on top, and the sheets at their armpits. Unless you are sick.

I bet you never knew any of that! Aren’t you glad that I found out for you

 

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner –

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa?(USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

April 4, 2008

Are you smart as u think?

Filed under: Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 9:08 pm

 

First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don’t take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are…?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question: Very tricky maths coming up! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don’t believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again

Okay, now the bonus round: There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one’s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask

So simple!

 

 

March 14, 2008

A joke from a visitor

Filed under: Jokes, Q&A — lol27 @ 7:40 pm

Heres a joke someone sent in,

Did you hear the one about the little rooster who couldn’t crow?

Me niether!

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