lol

April 14, 2008

Joke

Filed under: Jokes, president jokes — lol27 @ 3:21 pm

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.

The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

The Vice President shrugs and says, “Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.”

Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, “Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, “Such arrogant butts back there. Hey, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy.”

April 10, 2008

More funny jokes

Filed under: Jokes, president jokes — lol27 @ 11:57 am

George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box.

Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box kid?”

The little boy says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”

George W. laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”

“Republicans,” the child says.

“Oh that’s cute,” George W. says and he runs off.

A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.

George W. says to Dick, “You gotta check this out” and they both jog over to the boy with the box.

George W. says, “Look in the box Dick, isn’t that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.”

The boy replies, “They’re Democrats.”

“Whoa!”, George W. says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What’s up?”

“Well,” the kid says, “Their eyes are open now”

 

On one of his first nights in the White House, Dubya is awakened by the ghost of George Washington. Bush is frightened, but asks: “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Washington advises him: “Be honest above all else and set an honorable example, just as I did.” This makes Bush uncomfortable, but he manages to get back to sleep. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. “Tom,” Dubya asks, “what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Jefferson replies, “Throw away your prepared remarks and speak eloquently and extemporaneously from your heart,” Jefferson advises. Bush isn’t sleeping well at all the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It’s Abraham Lincoln’s ghost and Dubya thinks finally, a Republican, I’ll get some advice that I can use. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asks hopefully. Abe answers: “Go see a play.”

 

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.
They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.
Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.
The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.
“What happened?!” asked Bill.
“I ran over a pig,” replied his driver. Bill Clinton looked horrified.
“Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their’s.”
So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours.
Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been.
“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?! What happened up there?” he asked.
The limo driver, happily confused, replied, “Those people up there threw me a huge party.”
Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, “What? Why?”
The limo driver started up his car and answered, “I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig.”

 

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her,
“There’s one thing I want you to know. There’s a box under my bed, and I don’t want you to look in it until I die.” Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her, and she finally looked in it.
She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.
When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, “Well, those are for all the times I’ve cheated on you.”
Hillary said, “Well, that’s not bad after all these years, and you being a politician, and traveling and all.”
She was about to leave, but then she said, “Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?”
Bill replied, “That’s for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in.”

 

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

“I will give each of you one wish. That’s three wishes total,” said the genie.
The Canadian said, “I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”
With a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state.”
Again, with a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, “I’m very curious, please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out – it’s virtually impenetrable.”
George W. Bush says, “Fill it with water.”

lol!      :mrgreen:

March 20, 2008

Not to be rude to goerge bush but this is funny

Filed under: Jokes, president jokes — lol27 @ 9:56 pm

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
…George W. Bush”Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“Mars is essentially in the same orbit…Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“The future will be better tomorrow.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.”
…Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”
…Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“Public speaking is very easy.”
…Governor George W. Bush to reporters

“I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.”
…George W. Bush

“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.”
…Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
…Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
…Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
…Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

“The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
…Governor George W. Bush

“[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
…Governor George W. Bush

March 17, 2008

Jokes someone posted

Filed under: Jokes, Mexican-Italian-etc, president jokes — lol27 @ 10:04 pm

Question: How could the 22nd and 24th U.S. presidents have the same parents but were not brothers?

answer: Grover Cleveland was elected president twice to become the 22nd and 24th president.

A farmer from Texas goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!”

The Australian is annoyed at the Texan but doesn’t say anything. They walk around the farm a little, and the Australian farmer shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately replies, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has died down when the Texan sees some kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks the Aussie, “What are those?”

The Australian replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

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